10 wrestling factions that would survive a zombie apocalypse

Introduction

The zombie apocalypse is 100%, definitely going to happen. It is just so blatantly obvious, it is just a matter of time before the first hand claws its way from its coffin six feet under and then hell will walk the earth. What the zombies don’t realize however is that hell is already here, and hell is just waiting for the undead dudes to rise before laying them to waste, one head at a time. The hell that the prophecies speak of is of course, the greatest factions in professional wrestling. Here is an extensive, in depth list of the factions what would survive a zombie apocalypse and why.

10) The New World Order - Hollywood Hogan, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall

When you think of wrestling factions, you instantly think of the iconic nWo. There are countless reasons why Hogan, Hall and Nash would survive a zombie apocalypse. While Hogan is blasting his air guitar and pummelling them with silent sound waves, Scott Hall would be strategically strutting around them and confusing their dead eyes while “Big Sexy” goes in for the kill with jackknife after jackknife. The undead would not know what had hit them, until of course they look down and see the letters “nWo” spray painted on their chest. Hall and Nash will probably be parading around with a dead guy’s head reminiscent of the Rey Mysterio mask incident also. Party or no party, once your down with the nWo, you’re down “4 Life” and the New World Order surviving the zombie apocalypse is just 2 sweet, Chico.

9) The Four Horsemen - Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Barry Windham and Tully Blanchard

What the zombies do not realize is that hell has already walked the earth in the form of The Four Horsemen. Flair, Anderson, Windham and Blanchard were cleaning house and taking names long before the zombies were even dead the first time. Knife edge chop after another, Flair would clean house while Anderson would be cut throating his way to survival. Windham, cowbell in hand and all, would remind everyone that he was once an NWA world champion while Blanchard would make them all tap out. Do not forget about JJ Dillon and Ole Anderson either because the wily veterans will have a thing or two in store for the zombies, as would other Horsemen veterans Sid Vicious, Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko.

8) The Main Event Mafia - Sting, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner and Booker T

Pushing 50’s or not, the Main Event Mafia is a force to be reckoned with. If one zombie eyes up “The Don” whether Sting or Kurt Angle alike, one snap of the fingers and “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash, “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner and Booker T would be in like lions picking off the weak member of the herd. These grizzled old men never fail to lay a beating and when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, look for the aging icons to band together once again with their suits, gold and all to take down the zombie horde and save the world and the human race.

7) The Disciples of the New Church - James Mitchell, Brian Lee, Malice, Slash and Devon Storm

Assuming that “Father” James Mitchell and his sick, twisted crew are not responsible for the summoning of the undead in the first place, he will undoubtedly be the man to stop it. Jim Mitchell made a career out of turning the likes of Chris Kanyon and Wrath into zombies, so it is most likely that yes, the zombie apocalypse is his doing. However, with Malice, Brian Lee and Slash in toe, Jim Mitchell will probably remember to pick up Devon Storm and Vampiro on his way to the cemetery as he takes on the undead force head on. With his head clippers in hand, he will probably lay a brutal, skin ripping Raven-reminiscent haircut to an undead douche while Shane Douglas hurls in the corner.

6) The Revolution – Shane Douglas, Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit, Perry Saturn

If there is one faction that will refuse to conform to a zombie dominated world, it is “The Franchise” Shane Douglas and his revolution comrades. Flying the flag of the Revolution once again, Shane Douglas, Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn will, one undead ruled state by one, take over the world in the name of victory, power and glory. First the zombie army, then Count Dracula’s castle and they will probably lay waste to Dr. Frankenstein’s lab and the infamous ECW zombie while they are at it. There is nowhere, nobody or no rotting flesh pile that is safe from the wrath of The Revolution.

5) Raven’s Flock - Raven, Kanyon, Kidman, Lodi, Perry Saturn, Scotty Riggs

Raven’s Flock probably won’t even know that the zombie apocalypse is going on. While the world is in chaos and flesh is being devoured like a Sunday lunch by zombies all over the globe, Raven and co will be watching old WCW and WWF tapes in his mom’s basement. With potato chips and soda in hand, Raven and his crew will be devouring endless amounts of sustenance as they obliviously survive the zombie apocalypse. Lodi of course will be keeping score with his sign writing skills, Kidman will be scratching off piles of flesh to eventually feed to the horde as The Flock make their escape and Riggs will be wondering where Sick Boy, Reese and Stevie Richards ever got to.

4) The New Blood – The entire WCW roster age 30 or below and Vince Russo

The New Blood have always been vocal of their displeasure of jobbing to the older guys, so why would they lay down to zombies that are about 200 years older than Hogan or Flair? There is no chance in hell. The Mamalukes and Disco Inferno, David Flair and Crowbar, Chris Candido and Mike Awesome, The Natural Born Thrillers and Jeff Jarrett and of course, Bill Goldberg, would all refuse to lay down and would all band together to ensure that no old guys take their spot in the human race. Of course, Vince Russo would probably cash in on the opportunity to write the New Blood out of storyline for the sake of media attention, not realizing that it was 100% real. Look out for zombie David Arquette to become world heavyweight champion of the zombies sometime soon.

3) D-Generation X – Triple H, Shawn Michaels, X-Pac, Road Dogg and Billy Gunn

DX are all about attitude and they are not about to let a band of undead rookies show them any amounts of disrespect. DX are the boys that dish out the disrespect and this group of degenerates are just looking for their next opportunity to annoy the entire world again. Triple H and Michaels would play mind games with the zombies while Pac gives them Syxx doses of jock-strap smelling bronco busting day trips, all the time while “The New Age Outlaws” Kip and BG are pushing double dumpsters all over the globe cleaning up shop while their boys do the dirty work. There’s a rumour going around that Terry Funk and Mick Foley are turning the dumpsters into a bloodbath, calm down, Charlie, put down the chainsaw! Chyna’s taking out the scraps while Rick Rude is filing all the legal work. Wait, is it murder to kill a zombie?

2) E.V 2.0 – Tommy Dreamer, The Sandman, Rob Van Dam, Raven, Sabu and Stevie Richards

Never count out Tommy Dreamer, after all, he always asks for more. If there is anyone that can lead the human race to victory against an onslaught of zombies, it is Tommy Dreamer and E.V 2.0. ECW shall ride again. Another fact that supports this is of course, The Sandman’s hatred of zombies. On the inaugural edition of WWE’s reincarnation of the ECW brand, Sandman laid waste to The Zombie with his Singapore cane in toe. Rumour has it that Sandman has a grudge against all zombies; he doesn’t even need E.V 2.0 to kill them, he needs them to hold him back! Just toss Sandman a beer and a cane and he will clean house all over the world while everyone else gets on with their normal lives. It will give Stevie more time to work on his abs, Raven more time to dye his hair and try on some new clothes, Van Dam more time to tend to his garden and Dreamer can just kill time till Sandman comes back and canes him some more. He’s a kinky one is our Tommy.

1) Ric Flair

“The Nature Boy” does not need an army or a group of friends, he is a faction in himself. As soon as his eyes widen at the sight of a zombie, the jacket will come off, the floor will be getting elbow drops and Flair flops left, right and centre and then all hell will break loose, Flair style. Chances are, Flair will even be naked. He will be covered in blood, he will be strutting his way from one zombie to the next and the knife edge chops will come quicker than the wives and women in front row that go back to the space mountain hotel. All in all, Flair will be standing tall and even when he’s the last man standing, the sole survivor of the human race, he will still be jet flyin’, limousine ridin’, corpse kiss stealin’, wheelin’ dealin’, gunnin’ and sunnin’ all over the globe. Flair will be the one-man faction that stands tall over the horde of billions and he will finally showcase the reason why he is a “God”, “God”, “God”! with the world title over his shoulders one more time. “Whoooo!” “Beer Money!” “Hogan!” “Meaaan by gawd’ Gene”. Yes, even when he’s the only one left, Flair will still find a microphone and echo-blast his world-famous quotes for all of the corpses to hear.